Hello Mafaka,
We've both been with people since, but we haven't fallen again. I asked you once if we couldn't walk away from each other because we're not over or because we were each other's first, to which you replied "both". You'll always have part of my heart but right now I need to walk away. 2013 isn't about a new chapter, but rather writing a new book.
January
New month. New job. New year. New start. New me.
I tried to push aside all these feelings; tried to trick myself into thinking
I was chasing after something that wasn’t worth the hunt. I kept telling myself it would be foolish of me to jeopardize the wonderful friendship we had formed in such a short span of time. I kept feeding nutrients to the starving feelings of desire.
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| New Toys |
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| Started to commit |
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| Fairuz's Wedding @ Ipoh |
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| SHM Posted |
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| SHM @ Sunway |
February
So I guess that was that. You’re still in my daily thoughts. Silly little things that remind me of the time spent with you. How happy you made me. Thinking about this now is dragging a smile across my lips that’s almost exponential.
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| Daily Routine |
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| No Parking Warning |
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| Notes on profile |
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| Making friends with Scha Badlishah |
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| Orientation with Farhana Sidek |
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| The last batch |
March
I feel like this website too often expresses the love for another individual. and while i think that loving someone else is a necessity in life i think that we need to love ourselves before we can even consider to love anything or anyone else in our lives.
This may be coming out as a reaction and revolution of the current events that have just taken place in my life but now i know for certain that i can't do anything in my life unless i have the power to love who i am.
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| A must to listen |
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| Thanks Imran Ajmain |
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| New toys lalalalala~ |
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| Welcome back Darius |
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| Jyeah! |
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| T-Shirt Ordered |
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| Trying it out |
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| The expedition ASOT600KUL |
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| Earlier of the expedition ASOT600KUL |
April
Individual. Ahhh i love the sound of that word. I'm going to embrace being me and love every single second of it. I'm going to love my emotional state of mind, my soccer thighs and inability to do cartwheels. i'm gonna soak up every little inch of myself and love it... and appreciate who i am.
Too often we all get caught up in the day to day to do lists in our lives. but today lets take a step back and say " IM GOING TO EAT THIS HAMBURGER AND NOT FEEL FAT!" and just enjoy the life that we are all so blessed to have.
cest le vie my friends.
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| Lola's new collar |
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| Fire drill training @ 1MK |
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| Platinum |
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| Thanks for the Pedro |
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| Las Vacas with Adiff Akmal and Sara Ruzana |
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| Humble Chef with colleagues |
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| New toys for Izira |
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| He's back once again |
May
I know I can never see myself going the distance with you, and should we even try I know we'll be faced by far too many challenges you would want to have on your plate. To begin with... We aren't even supposed to be emotionally or physically available for each other.
I must admit when we first started talking I took it lightly, say, like someone to fill in the times for when he is gone, but as we moved along I found myself getting more and more attached to you. That said, I've been trying hard to pull back and head back into where I'm supposed to be, but his nonchalance and mistreatment, coupled with how you say the most tender things sometimes, I find myself faltering out of track.
"I'm not a robot. Or cold. I'm not crazy--sometimes. I'm not distant.
I just need time. And security."
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| That is a long night. Nice face Azizul Nazim |
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| Alaina Ib made my day with her text message |
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| Air Terjun sungai lancau |
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| Boys day out with Azizul Nazim and Taufek Ali |
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| Pavi with mereka |
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| Ikan Bakar @ Medan Muara Ikan Bakar |
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| The first thing that i bought on this month |
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| Metropolitan Park |
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| Maximelia Rafferty thanks |
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| Mother's Birthday Celebration |
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| Markus Schulz |
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| Saja post yang ni. LOL |
June
I was completely blown away by you – how you stepped in and took my breath away. At one point I actually dared to believe that it had happened – I was now in the middle of that kind of love you read about in books. I'm happy as I was under that short period of time when I had you by my side.
I feel the reason I have held on this long was because there was never any real closure. We just argued or ignored each other. Nothing was really done face to face. It's so unreal to me that every fond memory is becoming a haze, and as it slowly fades, I grasp with all my might to hold on to it.
When I am close to you, I feel warm, comfortable, and laugh a lot. Not many people give me that warm sensation from the very beginning. I like your crazy ideas, the risks you take, but at the same time, your sensitive and kind heart, which you try to hide, even though it is so obvious to me. You have no second thoughts, no second guesses.
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| Aj's wedding @ kampung pengantin |
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| Khomatized |
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| Thanks Iqmal Hamdan |
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| Lighten up during my bad time |
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| The only thing that i value the most |
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| Iron baju |
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| Maxis kau lah idola aku! |
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| That one whole day 26th June |
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| Make a wish! 26/06/2013 |
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| Thanks guys for the pleasent surprise |
July
Because I am so passionate and caring, and the fact that I don't half ass anything, is the reason why I fight and why I was fighting for you. You were pulling away and I just kept fighting, not giving up. Then one day you wake up and realize you can't fight or even remotely control something you do not have control over. That truth made me really sad and sometimes angry. The truth hurt.
The truth that you are not ready and there is nothing that I can possibly do to change your mind. It didn't matter if I am a good person or if I have a good heart or that I am the whole package and if things were good. Your mind was made up and you were going to do you.
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| Man on the run |
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| Lebai malang Azizul Nazim |
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| Minions with Dheena Gabriel, Taufek Ali & Izira |
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| Minion's rush |
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| 4 in chinese interpretation means 'die' TROLOLOL |
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| Washing rangers |
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| Cookie Cuppy thanks anonymous |
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| Breakfasting @ Publika with Azizul Nazim |
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| Bazaar TTDI |
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| Gold chilli |
August
We’re both silent for a bit, and then I tell you I’m about to go and that we can catch up later. And you say something, you tell me, “thanks for everything.” And I say that I haven’t done anything and that you should go back to sleep. "But happy birthday " I say, " I hope you had a blast birthday." We say goodnight.
Of course we were really great at arguing and wanting to kill each other too. Fighting with you was, and continues to be, so intense for me because I care about you. I value your opinion and although you thought at times that I never took the things you said to heart, I listened to every criticism, compliment, and complaint you ever made about me and us.
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| Receipt ni boleh claim tak! puihh |
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| Recognize? thanks Mizan |
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| Rendang mak kau |
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| Anak gajah |
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| That 'Hari Raya' morning |
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| Fyra's Jazi's engagement |
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| Syawal's night |
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| The 23rd Syawal |
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| Diana's Adif's engagement |
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| ICT |
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| Guilty Intense |
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Happy 22nd Birthday Champ!
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End of August
September
We ended as fast as we started. One day the light was green and the next it was red. We had a lot of good times when things were green. The way you made me feel, I could not possibly forget. You treated me with respect and looked at me in a way no one has ever looked at me before. It was real… at least it felt very real.
We had fun and could talk for hours. When we were not doing that, we would just lay. I never felt so comfortable and safe. I could tell you how I was feeling and you would tell me how you were feeling, we were on the same page. Then things changed.
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| Clark Hatch International @ PJTC |
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| That day was fun! |
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| Share. Talk. Laugh. Snap |
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| Day spend with Ohana |
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| Thumbs up to Cristel |
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| The fascinating Meor Muhammad Syafiq |
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That Friday
October
We said we would be friends and man am I trying, but you keep pushing me away which just leads to more confusion. Do you now not even want that or is it deeper or maybe more simple that that….
I am not sure and so much energy is just being wasted on the thought. |
I feel the reason I have held on this long was because there was never any real closure.
We just argued or ignored each other. Nothing was really done face to face. It's so unreal to me that every fond memory is becoming a haze, and as it slowly fades, I grasp with all my might to hold on to it.
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| Tiesto after party sucks big time |
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| ASOT 650 - Thanks Meor Muhammad Syafiq |
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| Bring back the sun |
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| Alexis @ Great Eastern Mall |
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| Thank you rakan |
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| Reunited with Fatin Norasyikin |
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| Coevered by Red |
November
I know we said we'd keep it a secret to all our friends, and at first we said we'd just fool around whenever we felt like it. But with all our ups and downs, our break ups and our make ups, I don't think that's what we have.
Never let the opinions of others or the fear of judgment or embarrassment dictate your choices. There wouldn’t be judgment without jealousy. Remember to take chances because they will eventually expire. Life has an expiration date. Everything dies because it’s what makes living worthwhile; the idea that you only have one chance to do it right. Follow your heart, wherever it may lead, wherever you may go, know that it will always take you where you need to be. Even if you feel lost know that it’d be easier to live life if you knew how it would end, but that’s what makes it interesting.
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| Fun Run not so fun when you lose |
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| USS |
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| We shop, they drop |
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| Surely plenty times to be kill |
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| That afternoon captain |
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| Cliche dessert |
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| Nice sunglasses wrote by the barista |
December
So here I am after months of going back and forth about you to arrive at this conclusion, "that it is time to really let it go. What we had for that short amount of time was real and it was great and that is the hardest thing to say goodbye to because there was so much hope and potential, but it is what is." I've been holding on to this hope because I really believed in you. Maybe one day we really can be friends. Maybe one day things will go back to what they were. Then again, maybe they wont. But what I do know is, that the time we did have together was awesome and great.
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| Zouk palm out was awesome with Bard Coupe |
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| Welcome to the family and congrats kanda Izrul |
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| Happy birthday Izira |
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| Xmas with Putri |
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| Moving on text send by Putri |
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| Adif's Diana's solemnization |
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| Riding solo |
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Congrats Adif & Diana on your wedding @ Duchess Pl
Our relationship has made me realize how much I still have to grow and how much I’m still not ready to settle down. I’m too spontaneous, restless, and lets face it selfish, to offer even a small portion of myself to anyone right now. Which is why I’m glad I still have you in my corner to anchor me down when I’m in danger of flying off into whatever imaginary sunset I’ve created for the day. |
I have tried to learn from my mistakes which is why I can't ask you myself what is going on with us. I don't want to scare you because I need you, and I need this. A part of me doesn't even care about the logistics of it, I am just enjoying whatever it is. But I know it will come to an end. There's no other outcome from it. And it will hurt, and we will probably lose each other. That's why I can't fall for you, not fully. If I knew that you felt the same way maybe I could let myself, but I can't be the sucker this time-not again. All I know is you have made me feel special, and beautiful. And I thank you for whatever time you can lend me.
The end of 2013
IszrfAsrf
